the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize