the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
