Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
