I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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