no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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