And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
