Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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