Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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