Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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