So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
