I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar