Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.