Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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