I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
