you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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