Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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