I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
