I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
