it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
