I think my fart just growled at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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