I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
