I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
