Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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