oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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