I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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