If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
