I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
