I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
