Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
