O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
