I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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