I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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