Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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