god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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