Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
