I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
