I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
