don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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