This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
