My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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