my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
