My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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