my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
