dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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