I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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