gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
