If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
