I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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