I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
