If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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