those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
