I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
