Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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