Say something about gay babies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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