theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
