I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
