no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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