i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
