im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
