dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
