It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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