My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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