grandma shit on top of the toilet
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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