I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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