The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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