Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
whose ass print is on the piano?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
