I just made out with a guy for $7.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
