were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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