yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
