Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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