Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pants are for mortals
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
