I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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