I think my fart just growled at me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
