and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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