Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
