i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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