Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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