they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
