smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
