Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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