I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
