Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
