Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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