when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my poor anus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
